An Open Letter to Papa Johns

Dear Papa Johns,

You make it way to easy to order food from you late at night. First, I am tired and don’t want to leave my cardboard walled apartment in the most ghetto building in all of Brentwood, Calif. I know it’s in Brentwood so it should be a nice place but it’s got a mold problem and ever since the gypsy squatter lived here it’s smelled like vegan food (raw garbage if you’re wondering what that smells like).

Second, online ordering leaves me from talking to people. I hate people and you know that Papa. Of course I have to interact with one of your employees who delivers me a box full of lazy when the moon is full and the fog is thick. But the interaction is a small price to pay when your employees so adeptly avoid eye contact with my face. They’ve got a deadline Papa, and they know it well. Bravo.

Third, your “Repeat Last Order” red button on the upper right hand corner of my screen is very inviting. Good show, Papa, you’ve tapped into the vegetable-like twenty-something demographic all with nothing more than color and the ability to recall one’s last meal. I commend you for this and please award whomever on your team brewed up the idea. There are so many words and choices on your homepage that I’m glad all I’ve ever had to do is make one choice of meal. I’m never in the mood for something else, Papa, and you know that.

Thank you.

Paul

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